I wrote this for my Creative Writing class at the very end of the year, and I must say this was probably the most fun I have had writing in a long time. Anyways, here goes.
MORNING PEOPLE
There are two types of people; those who have the ability to wake up in the morning quickly, with a good attitude; and those who find waking up difficult, painful, and generally terrible. I probably fall into the second category. Of course, if I need to wake up early for something important, I usually can still be on time: however, I still find it an arduous task. Don't get me wrong, I do wish I was a morning person. I am jealous of the way my roommate can hear his alarm, spring up from his bed and begin to start his day. My waking process up probably looks more like a bear waking up from a long hibernation. I do enjoy getting up early and experiencing the morning because, well, mornings are beautiful. I would say it’s my favorite time of the day, yet somehow I can never get up early enough to enjoy it.
A few months ago, I decided I was going to become a morning person. I tried several tactics to wake up easier, but didn't get very far until I recently continued my experiment with the help of my roommate. The first method I used was trying different alarms. I went through all of the various ring-tones on my phone and chose the loudest, most obnoxious ones, hoping they would annoy me so much that I could wake up quickly. However, I noticed that the loudest alarms only made me angry and the only result was for me to start my day with a headache. Then I decided to move my phone across the room, that way I would have to jump down from my bunk and walk over, and hopefully wake up in the process. One particular time, I decided to do this, only I would put various obstacles on the floor so I would have a difficult time getting to my alarm. Maybe I would trip and fall and mildly injure myself. That would surely wake me up, right? Well, this was a failure because I somehow, heard the alarm and was able to maneuver through the obstacle course, shut my phone off, and then climb back into bed, all the while miraculously staying asleep.
I became so busy with work that I never gave much more thought to my morning person experiment till recently. I tried one more method on my own, which was very pleasant but not very effective. I kept my phone near my pillow and put it on vibrate mode. This was great because it was nice and soothing and did wake me up in a good mood. But it also was so nice that I would never completely wake, and soon would drift back asleep. This was getting me nowhere. I consulted my roommate and told him that I was giving him the responsibility of waking me up for a few days.
I told him that since I was experimenting, he could use, almost, any method he chooses, as long as I didn’t get severely injured or nothing was damaged. The first day was a Sunday morning. When it was time for me to wake up, he walked over to my bunk and picked me up right off of my bed. I am not sure where he was planning on taking me, but he didn’t make it very far without me slamming my left knee on the bed frame. He was slightly stunned by my yelp, so he placed me back into bed, where I sat frozen for a few minutes trying to bring feeling back into my poor knee. Actually this worked very well. I was wide awake, but I didn't think that hurting myself daily would be very good for my body.
Later on that day I took a nap and told him to wake me up in 45 minutes. I did manage to drift off into sleep only to be awakened by my roommate who was not only standing on my bed screaming at me, but beating me mercilessly with a pillow. This also worked very well, but I don't think I would have been very happy if it was in the morning.
The next day began by my mattress being rolled up while I was in it. I was not exactly sure what was happening till I saw my roommate standing silently next to me with his arms violently pushing and pulling my mattress. This was not completely effective because as soon as he walked away, I fell fast asleep again. The very last day of our experiment began by my loving roommate dumping a box of empty cans on me. He had been collecting empty energy-drink cans for the whole semester and I am pretty sure each one of them rained on me and my bed that morning.
Ok so let's recap: I tried, injuring myself by tripping over items while turning the alarm off, the vibrating alarm, being carried off my bed, having my mattress rolled and moved under me, being beaten with a pillow, and having cans dumped on my head. As much as this research has been enjoyable and interesting, I think I would rather wake up with a cup of coffee and maybe a bagel. Food is probably the best way to wake me up, and sadly I still live in a dorm room where food is a scarce item. Only a few weeks left till I get to wake up in my own bed, and I can't wait.
Gregory Miller, 2008
1 comment:
Hey man, did ya hear the news? No Fear switched hands from SoBe to Pepsi... :ANgER:
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